For me my life didn’t change at 4pm on an idle Tuesday, it was 7pm on an idle Thursday just before Christmas 2016……
I’m the perfect example of a text book hypochondriac, one that immediately think dizziness means a brain tumour, a cough means lung cancer, and blood in the stools means Bowel cancer. However years of CBT has meant that I’ve learnt to rationalise every ailment – including the last year of a change in bowel habbits that I put down to too much wine, a new job and stress of trying to be that full time working ‘super mum’.
If only for once someone believed me earlier that I wasn’t ‘crying wolf’ – when in my normal nervous GP ‘question time’ I tell the doctor I think I have bowel cancer – I’m actually laughed at – not once but 3 times over the course of 6 months! Despite being reassured on numerous occasions that I must have IBS, hemmaroids or worse case colitis, my blood tests and stool sample came back ‘normal’ so everything must be fine!
And yet I was still losing weight, passing blood, going what felt like 100 times per day and feeling shattered. I knew there was something wrong with me, a sixth sense if you will, because for the first time I was afraid – very afraid about taking this further.
Fed up with waiting for a referral, Im lucky I was able to take myself off privately to see a colonoscopist. Being so scared however, I made sure I went skiing, had finnished the school term and bumped 3 appointments just because something was telling me this might change everything.
I was blind sided at 7pm on Thursday 15th December 2016, when having refused the sedative and having researched what cancerous tumours would appear like in a colonoscopy (total hypochondriac geek alert!), I stared my ugly 5.5cm cancerous, ulcerated tumour in the face and everything went silent…..